Spiritual Battle

A friend and I talked this morning about spiritual battle. I know this is a concept that many people disregard.  No one likes to think we are walking around constantly stalked by evil, and so many will just say, “That’s bunk.” 

And, that is fine.  You will either get what I am about to say – or you won’t.  You either sense it to be happening in your own life – or you don’t. 

It is easy to miss that you are in a battle.  It is easy to forget it, too – even once you have caught on.  THAT – forgetfulness – is actually a battle tactic.

If you want a good introduction to what I am hitting on here, read C.S. Lewis – The Screwtape Letters.  That should get you going.  Or, maybe it won’t. 

I once told a gal at the park, with whom I was inadvertently having daily playdates (Peeved was 3 years old), to read The Screwtape Letters, and she did.  I couldn’t wait.  I wanted to sit on that park bench forevermore with her – after she read it – so we could have juicy conversations about spiritual battle.  Bring the coffee, and let the deep talks roll!  Yummy!

She came to me a week later, and she said, “I have no idea what I just read.”

Hm.  Well.  That was a bummer.

I forget every day that I am in a battle; sometimes I go hours without realizing I am in the middle of a specific battle.  I can be feeling very strongly opposed to something, and the something can seem so insignificant, and I will wonder why I cannot just go and do it, but I will feel a force. I don’t feel the force straight away, mind you.  I move around ambivalent and oblivious for a good while. I will be trying to gain momentum, and a force pulls me, and I keep fighting to gain momentum, and the forces keeps pulling me back, and I finally – finally – will snap out of it and say, “Oh…I am in the middle of a battle.  There must be something more at stake here.”  I recognize there is a force, and I have to decide the source of the force.  This cannot be done on my own because I am just a human, after all, and so I have to pray.  I have to say, “Lord, I am trying to do this thing, and I cannot seem to get there.  Is that you slowing me down, or is that evil slowing me down?”  Usually, rather quickly, it will be made clear.  No, there is not an announcement across the bottom of the TV, but it does come.  I have learned to look for it, and it comes in all sorts of ways.  It is like a treasure hunt actually.  It can be rather fun to seek a sign.

This sequence of events happens to me a lot with regard to being social.  The entire world thinks I am an extrovert, but – to be honest – I need a LOT of me time.  I do give all I have in social settings, but it exhausts me.  I leave social settings spent.  I need alone time to regroup.  This regrouping can become indulgent.  I mean, how long do I really need to regroup?  I fear there is an invisible line between regrouping and regrouped, and if I cross too deeply into regrouped, without socializing, I am going to become unhealthy mentally and spiritually.  I wish I could tell you that I – by myself – can do wonderful spiritual works.  I cannot attest to this.  I, by myself, can dig one heck of a hole, into which I fall.

And so.

I need to get out of the house.

But, it needs to be the right kind of “out” because I am also very evil sensitive, and when I get in a setting with too much of a bad thing, I leave nearly sick.  Sometimes, I realize I have to go into these settings, and I put on The Armor of God, and I go.  However, if I am unaware, and I just go waltzing in, it doesn’t end well for me.

And so, it means a lot to me to know where I am going and who is going to be there.  I repeat the safe bets.

It is when I have somewhere to go that is new or is perhaps a repeat safe bet, but it is evolving, that I pick up on the force as I prepare to go.

Does this mean there is work for me to do there, work that God has me in mind to do?  And evil wishes to stop me?  Or does this mean I am not designed to handle what awaits me, and God is trying to protect me?

Here, I would like to insert lyrics from the Clash:

Should I stay or should I go now?

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I go there will be trouble

An’if I stay there will be double

So come on and let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

You never knew you could sing that song to God, did you?

Praying doesn’t have to be boring, folks.