Blind

I write this poem for my Husband, on Father's Day.  I love him.  I thank him for taking me from really selfish to increasingly selfless (notice I just wrote "increasingly," so that doesn't really quantify my selflessness...).  He is my greatest blessing.  Many friends come to me with troubles in their own marriage, and I urge "STAY TOGETHER.  STAY TOGETHER."  There will be days when the pain of staying together will be the greatest pain you will ever know - you will think no one else on the planet has ever suffered so much in a marriage, and you will nearly shut down...the pain will be that overwhelming.

THIS is when your soul is undergoing the most change.

It will feel like torture, but I PROMISE YOU it will end well - it will end supernaturally well.  It will end way better than you could have ever imagined in those torturous moments.

Stay together.  Stay together.

You are working on each other.

Stay together.

Even if you cannot see where you are going.

Go.

Blind.

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A Poem For My Husband...

Blind date.  You walked to the car where I waited, cynical, strutting, willing to try.

Ogling, surprised, we coyly reacted. 

Nervous laughs. 

Attractive physique…accidental sighs.

Uninterrupted courtship, day after day, dreamlike-hypnotizing-butterflies.

Coffee-mug-long afternoons,

outlining thoughts,

paving paths on a barefaced love affair high.

Incredible adventures, impromptu, sampling surroundings, the entire East Coast

“I do not choose to be common;”

we bow to no master;

a proud, indulgent, youthful boast.

Elegant matrimony.  Off to the wild west – Texas – an unconquered state with few laws.

Immediately with-child. 

Stability requested. 

Self-serving voyage takes a necessary pause.

Morning sickness beyond imagination –clinging to normal; boring automatic mode

Curious phases;

remembering independence,

begging for mercy and adjusting the load.

Jobs and more jobs – nameless and faceless – others from elsewhere getting the pay;

“Don’t they know who I am?”

Ego deflated;

frustrations mounting; humbleness stays.

Scraping; fighting; sacrificing; sleeping on sofas - wishing me gone;

Loving; crying;

begging for grace;

forgetting the courtship - just holding on.

Children come in a pattern; a girl…a boy…a girl…a boy; we’re broke again.

Completely surrendered;

forgetting the courtship –

just running the business, barely friends.

When out of the heavens,

disaster;

awakening –

shaken to the core

when his body fails. 

Surreal interpretation; months of deep silence; sensing the messages; saving our tails.

New start. 

New love. 

New appreciation. 

New hope. 

New view.

More mature ways.

New laughs.  New sighs.  New paths.  Less hesitation. 

Holding hands walking in a new phase.

Remembering the courtship.

Remembering the courtship.

Remember your courtship.

I can see you again.

Rebuilding; renewing; reintroducing – “Hi, remember me?”  Avoiding mistakes;

For children –

giving everything –

ignoring your limits –

giving flight to their futures - whatever it takes.

Together, a journey – a quilt of flaw and potential; a masterpiece in the making;

Amazing grace.

Together, we are parents

We are lovers

We are friends like no other;

And wiser now,

So much wiser now,

In a meaningful, contented, well-informed space.

Blind faith.  You walked to the place where I waited, in awe of me, in awe of you,
promising we could fly.

Over them; over it; over it all,

appreciative laughs;  

aging physique…supernatural sighs.

Blind.