Afloat

Husband was home for a week, and the boring daily routine I have created as a flotation device was swept away in a vibrant wave of all that is Husband:  adventure; conversation; impromptu everythings; cleaning; locating missing items, fixing stuff, and food…lots of food. 

When Husband is not here, we – the kids and I - don’t really do any of that stuff. 

We don’t have adventures;

we don’t talk;

we don’t do anything unless it is planned;

we don’t clean;

we don’t find stuff nor do we fix anything,

and we don’t eat.

Kidding.  I am kidding. 

We absolutely make occasional utterances, 

and we do track down provisions.

breakfast, lunch, and dinner...right here

But, as for the rest of it…not really. 

We, the kids and I, hunker way down.  We slow our pace; we slow our intake; we slow our output; we conserve.

Really.  If I picture the kids and I moving around the house…around the town…around our lives…without my husband…

it very much looks like…survival.

here's a big box of survival right here...

Because…

there is a difference between clinging to a flotation device and happily riding on an enormous inflatable party raft.

Husband makes us brave.

Then, he moves us past brave to enjoying the ride.

And, the next thing you know,

it’s a party.

I, the unflappable mama, make us stable.  Stable is important.  I might not be a party.  But, you can rest with me.  Chill.  I will apply your sunscreen.  I will say things like, “You’re dehydrated.”  And, I will force a nap on you.

It is what I offer.

You don’t really know what your spouse brings to the table of your marriage…of your family…until he is not bringing it daily.  You might be tempted to believe that most of what keeps you all afloat comes from you…just you.  You might be proud enough to think that.

When you remove your spouse, repeatedly and predictably, you come to see his effect…you come to see what he offers.

In my house, my husband is the difference between carefully clinging

  

and bravely riding.

And, I did this - I caused this great reveal:

this reveal of who offers what; brings what; causes what…. 

Well.  I didn’t create it.  God did. 

God fashioned it for me…because I kinda asked for it. 

I mean, I didn’t ask for it:  I cried, and I whined a lot, and I complained to a few lucky friends who listened without really commenting at all because the last thing you want to do when you are talking to a crying, whining friend is say anything besides, “You are awesome,” and “You can do anything you put your mind to doing.” 

But, I did unconsciously ask for this.

About three years ago, you remember...when my husband went through a little health scare, and he couldn’t work for a while, and he was home all day every day, and we were sharing a very small living space with our bounty of children…

and my husband and I were so smooshed together,

seriously…like smooshed.

I'm behind him

And please - right this minute - forget every fantasy you ever had about just aimlessly lounging, tangled limbs, with your husband…and a bunch of grapes…on a raft of bliss…in a sea of nothing…except for your lovely love for each other….

Or, at the very least, put a time-limit on that lovely love stuff…in a sea of nothing…because after about half a day,

you are going to be like, “OK…Lovely Love, what do you have planned for yourself for today?”

And.  When ol Lovely Love says, “Oh nothing...”

You are going to be like, “Oh.  O…K…..”

And when you get off the raft and try to do your thang, and lovely love isn’t doing anythang…you might just be tempted to turn around and scream,

“Hey Lovely…Paint the raft.  Or somethang.”

We had eaten all the grapes

During that time – the time of the unpainted raft…choking down grapes…I couldn’t see where I ended and where Husband began.  I couldn’t see what I did; what Husband did.  Most days, I felt like Husband was trying to do what I should be doing, and I felt like I should just go do what Husband should have been doing…or what I thought Husband should be doing….

It was just a big jumbled mess of role disorder and confusion and tangled limbs.

You can imagine how hard it is to blog like this

And during that time,

I think I remember saying…

okay, I do remember saying it.

I screamed it…

like two inches from his nose…

okay, like an inch from his nose…

“You need to find a job where you like travel or something…”

And, he probably acted like he didn’t even hear me.

And, I think I even took it back.

I know I at least backed away from his nose.

But, God heard me.

God heard the sentiment.

And, so, here I am…

carefully clinging to my flotation device,

with five kiddos,

most of whom want to be on the party boat.

Extremes teach us a lot, but they are not to be sustained:  Husband is looking for a job where he will travel less.